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Global Warming Thwarted By Thinner Coats »

Posted by: ind06 2 years, 7 months ago

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EARTH - It appears that despite all the worry and debate, global warming has once and for all been defeated by the use of thinner jackets. Millions have feared the coming planet-wide disasters that global warming could set in motion, but now it seems the issue is moot thanks to the discovery of thinner coats by Dr. Tanner Lewis of St. Louis, MO.

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ind06

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Comments: 33

Avg rating: (+2/-0 2)
ind06
April 4, 2007, 4:34 a.m.
A new provision is being hastily written into the Homeland Security Act making it treasonous to wear a heavy coat. The fur lobby is expected to fight the amendment.
Avg rating: (+1/-2 -1)
kctrixter
April 4, 2007, 6:12 a.m.
In a related story, Europe returns to drinking warm beer.
Avg rating: (+0/-0 0)
kobzikov
April 4, 2007, 6:38 a.m.
Finally, the scientists have gotten their act together and solved the global warming problem instead of just bitching and whining about it.
Now if they could just figure out what to do about the global cooling that's gonna happen in 3 years.
Hmmm, maybe they should consider using thicker jackets to combat global cooling?
Wow. I think I just had a brain-fart. And I'll be securing the patent rights to it first thing in the morning, so don't even think about trying to take credit for it.
Avg rating: (+3/-1 2)
tehranchik
April 4, 2007, 11:13 a.m.
This is a very well thought out article--polished off by our own ind06! :)))))
Avg rating: (+10/-0 10)
airglide
April 4, 2007, 12:47 p.m.
Using this concept you could win the "war" on poverty. Find someone who admits to being poor. Kill them. Publicize it. No one else will admit to being poor. Poverty is over.
Avg rating: (+0/-0 0)
BronxBomber
April 4, 2007, 12:52 p.m.
I wonder if my boston ferns will thrive if indeed there is a global warming...my poor little babies.....
:'(
Avg rating: (+0/-0 0)
johnkamis64
April 4, 2007, 1:06 p.m.
Worry not for ferns; as they are smarter than the average Bush...
Avg rating: (+0/-0 0)
tehranchik
April 5, 2007, 1:32 a.m.
Maybe we could make a documentary about you.
Avg rating: (+0/-0 0)
ind06
April 5, 2007, 4:22 a.m.
I have answers:
1. Yes, if your coat is then examined and certified by a government "coat thinning" agent.
2. All removed stuffing must be handed over to said government coat thinning agent for weighing and is non-returnable.
3. Al Gore invented thin coats. Haven't you ever heard of "Gore-tex"?
Welk, Welk clkbeus99 :)
Avg rating: (+0/-0 0)
MajJohn
April 4, 2007, 2:20 p.m.
The comments were funnier than the story.
Avg rating: (+0/-0 0)
kctrixter
April 4, 2007, 6:08 p.m.
tile-x is just a shill for the tidy-bole man, he couldn't be here himself cus in down with respiratory problems.
Avg rating: (+5/-1 4)
ind06
April 4, 2007, 6:10 p.m.
What else would a bathroom cleanser do but "sink"?
Avg rating: (+0/-0 0)
protoham
April 4, 2007, 4:41 p.m.
Balmy Breezes, girls walking around in Bikinis, I fail to see the problem!!
Avg rating: (+0/-0 0)
kctrixter
April 4, 2007, 6:12 p.m.
Anchorage, home of spring break, January 2015
Avg rating: (+0/-0 0)
droid3913
April 4, 2007, 7:23 p.m.
Maybe we'll have more nude beaches? Oh yea.. that darn sun and no ozone. Human lobsters! lol
Avg rating: (+0/-0 0)
hellobigworld
April 4, 2007, 9:46 p.m.
I will vote for the beaches without bikinis. Lets have another sixties but this time about global warming.
Avg rating: (+8/-0 8)
holyshiite
April 4, 2007, 9:57 p.m.
I read where the UN said that more carbon dioxide is produced from cows farting than from Autos. It seems to me if we would start putting beano in cattle feed the problem would be solved and the world would be saved.
Avg rating: (+3/-1 2)
dragon5126
April 5, 2007, 1:59 a.m.
COWS FARTING???? SOMEBODY SHOOT ROSIE O'DONNELL!!!!
Avg rating: (+0/-0 0)
elel
April 5, 2007, 10:40 a.m.
I think the Northeast retailers are on this already, you can no longer buy a thick coat in January, by Febuary the bathing suits are out, and forget about salt for the driveway, not gonna be able to get that till next year :)