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Spelling Champ Fails To Spell Way Out Of Schoolyard Beating »

Posted by: ind06 2 years, 6 months ago

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THE ONION RADIO NEWS with Doyle Redland reporting: Cornered during recess by bully Kevin Newstadt, eighth grader Eric Jenson's spelling skills provided little help to him in the face of physical confrontation.

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Comments: 70

Avg rating: (+1/-0 1)
ind06
April 11, 2007, 2:43 a.m.
You CAN, however, spell your way out of a divorce. Or so I heard.
Avg rating: (+11/-6 5)
kobzikov
April 11, 2007, 3:57 a.m.
Jensen said: "I thought that he might respect me for my spelling abilities, but he just seemed to get more upset."
He should have asked Kevin to use the word in a sentence. That's what happens when you try to show off! I hope Eric has learned his lesson.
It's also quite possible that Kevin couldn't hear some of the letters, because of the punching sounds and thought that Eric has misspelled the words, which might have upset Kevin even more.
Avg rating: (+0/-0 0)
ind06
April 11, 2007, 5:25 a.m.
Perhaps he should have learned to spell "Here's my lunch money".
Avg rating: (+0/-0 0)
johnkamis64
April 11, 2007, 8:05 a.m.
I hate bullies.
Avg rating: (+0/-0 0)
dadesider
April 11, 2007, 10 a.m.
How do you spell Kevin Neustad???
Avg rating: (+0/-0 0)
kctrixter
April 11, 2007, 10:40 a.m.
It was probably that first thing that he spelled that got him into trouble, after that nothing he spelled helped.
Eric Jenson: That's right I said you were a jerk J-E-R-K jerk.
Kevin Newstadt: I'm gonna kick you butt B-U...ah... B .. pow
Avg rating: (+0/-0 0)
Logan666
April 11, 2007, 11:09 a.m.
Bet he knows how to spell p-a-i-n...
Avg rating: (+0/-0 0)
elel
April 11, 2007, 11:51 a.m.
ooh Japanese calligraphy, new deadly weapon, those pens pointy and sharp :D
Avg rating: (+5/-0 5)
ETproductions
April 11, 2007, 12:08 p.m.
Wrong ability to spell. If he'd concentrate on how to CAST a spell, he could just turn the schoolyard bully into a fat toad, then step on him.
Avg rating: (+0/-0 0)
Beeboppin71
April 11, 2007, 1:32 p.m.
Calligraphy pens have those really sharp points. That could do the trick. But he should join the band. There's nothing quite like a french horn for beating away your enemy. The tuba is an excellent weapon as well. I would steer clear of the flute. Unless he uses it in its case. That could cause some pain. He might want to avoid the math club, but the science club might be a great place to learn about bombs.
Avg rating: (+0/-0 0)
crespi
April 11, 2007, 1:54 p.m.
Sometimes things happen to bullies...later, when they don't expect it...
Avg rating: (+0/-0 0)
Charlson
April 11, 2007, 3:32 p.m.
The speller grew up and became CEO in a computer conglomerate and became a billionaire while the bully ended up sweeping the floors in the corporate headquarters and on the way home one night was mugged and later died of his wounds. Pays to be a good speller and not an idiot bully.
Avg rating: (+7/-3 4)
johnkamis64
April 12, 2007, 10:59 a.m.
I enjoy stopping in for a spell!!!
Todays word is the big silly word in "Mary Poppins" that they did a whole song about...
Can you spell it???