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Uncool Zookeeper Won't Let Anyone Ride Gorillas »

Posted by: ind06 2 years, 6 months ago

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BROOKFIELD, IL: Despite heartfelt pleas, Janice Petrone, a totally lame and uncool zookeeper at the Brookfield Zoo, repeatedly told a group of area sixth graders Monday that they were not allowed to ride on the backs of the western lowland gorillas.

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ind06

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Comments: 106

Avg rating: (+5/-9 -4)
ind06
June 4, 2007, 2:57 a.m.
Pfft! Some people wouldn't know a good time if it charged across its scientifically designed enclosure baring its red-stained teeth and tore them limb from limb!
Avg rating: (+5/-3 2)
kriicket
June 4, 2007, 6:39 a.m.
Man....they never let me do anything!
Avg rating: (+3/-9 -6)
2ponies
June 4, 2007, 7:24 a.m.
OK, OK, a little goofy humor. But the sad thing is that what may emerge is a "Ride the Gorillas" action group, complete with a "terror wing".
Avg rating: (+7/-6 1)
uncle-dave
June 4, 2007, 9:04 a.m.
"He would beat his chest, bare his teeth, and then charge at you as soon as you entered the enclosure." Said Janice Petrone.
That my friends sounds like one hell of a ride to me!
Avg rating: (+6/-1 5)
dadesider
June 4, 2007, 9:29 a.m.
"The silverback's natural instinct is to protect his troop," said Petrone.... Just where, exactly, is his troop???
Avg rating: (+6/-2 4)
Beeboppin71
June 4, 2007, 9:39 a.m.
Why would anyone want to punch a Giraffe, Ms. Petrone? Isn't it more fun to use their necks as a slide? Petrone is a Lame-O.
Avg rating: (+4/-0 4)
Amazing1
June 4, 2007, 9:57 a.m.
Maybe someone should explain to the gorilla that letting the children ride is not quite the same thing as having a monkey on your back.
Avg rating: (+7/-2 5)
mozzer
June 4, 2007, 12:06 p.m.
I see an opportunity here.
I'll open my own park! 'Mozz Safari' will have Gorilla Rides, Grizzy Rasslin, and "Naptime with Annie the Anaconda" for the kiddos.
It's your loss, Mr. Oh-I'm-Skeered GottaProtect-theChildren! Wuss.
Avg rating: (+4/-4 0)
BronxBomber
June 4, 2007, 1:18 p.m.
"Petrone, a loser who hates fun, also told the kids they were not permitted to swim with the sharks, race the cheetahs, or punch the giraffes."
..Some folks are just born kill-joys.
I bet Petrone's father threw rocks at the stork.
=o(
Avg rating: (+4/-2 2)
TOtheMOON
June 4, 2007, 2:55 p.m.
Could it be she has a faint memory of a gorilla slamming Samsonite luggage against the walls? Maybe she suffers from PTSD. Ooohhh.. I get chills just remembering that naughty gorilla.
Avg rating: (+0/-1 -1)
ETproductions
June 4, 2007, 4:43 p.m.
What a stupid, restrictive zookeeper. Spoilsport. It woulda been great fun for the crowd to watch how a 500 pound silverback gorilla disassembles 6th graders.
Avg rating: (+5/-2 3)
Truzseeker
June 4, 2007, 5:07 p.m.
I found the "Tantric-Sex Class Opens Up Whole New World Of Unfulfillment For Local Couple" story to be more interesting (lol).
Avg rating: (+0/-0 0)
truthiness
June 4, 2007, 10:03 p.m.
I always wondered why they called them zookeepers and prisonguards, thye dont keep the zoo or guard the prison, the keep the animals and guard the prisoners.
maybe they should be called animal keepers and prisoner guards
or better yet, maybe they should put the animals and the prisoners together and have zooguards! put the rapists and the silverbacks together in a cage. I bet you could sell alot of tickets for that sort of entertainment Mozzer.
wow..that was a really long way to go for a joke. I'm tired.
Avg rating: (+0/-0 0)
foksipayne
June 5, 2007, 3:02 a.m.
Huh-huh! I said party pooper! LOL, now that one was punny!