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Sex, Religion, and Guilt... Will It EVER End? »
Posted by: dan-and-jennifer 2 years, 3 months agoWomen and virgins... "Hey - who broke the safety seal on this one?!". Here are some thought provoking questions on the impacts of a strong religious upbringing on modern sexuality.
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dan-and-jennifer
"Question Everything!" - The voice of change for all things love and sex :-)
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Comments: 201
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Bkumm
July 31, 2007, 1:02 p.m.There's a safety seal? Crap, nobody told me.
Look, I figure you wouldn't buy a car that you're going to have for five years without test driving it, why in the name of whatever you find holy would you not 'test drive' your mate that you're (possibly) going to have for a lifetime? It just doesn't make any sense.
Most of the hooey that we have relating to marriage can be traced back to the Middle Ages and feudalism. Religion got sucked into it because the Church benefited enormously.
Do I know the original feelings of Jesus or Mohammed on the subject? Nope. And neither does anyone else.
If you love somebody take them to bed, but be sure to respect all sides of the arrangement and NEVER, EVER take that person's feelings for granted.
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kriicket
July 31, 2007, 1:57 p.m.Well...I have a question.....So what's wrong with someone wanting to wait until marriage and also find someone else who has waited. I'll be the first to say, that its not easy to find someone willing to wait.
We complain about the number of teen pregnancies, STDs, abortions, etc., but nothing is being done to stop it...if anything, we're seeing more and more sexual situations on the television as well as the big screen.
There are a lot of advantages to waiting, and I don't think that the people who want to wait should be discouraged.
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LauraYoung
July 31, 2007, 2:20 p.m.I appreciate the frank discussion of this. It has amazed me how much of an issue this is for people in their later 30s even. I don't know how anyone can expect someone to be a virgin at that age. Certainly it can be done and there are many reasons people choose for it but I've heard of many instances of individuals feeling guilty and/or being judged for their "past indiscretions" at the age of 36 or 37. And often the anger and judgements are expressed by those who also hope to have a very sexually satisfying partner. Meanwhile it seems everything around us is sexualized, including nearly every Walt Disney movie accompanied by little flesh toned year round costumes for little girls. It's a recipe for disaster when you really look at all the mixed messages. That question of "will it ever end?" is appropriate!
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willottica
July 31, 2007, 2:43 p.m.I recently had a discussion with a Gay Catholic friend about his religion. I was also raised Catholic, but have recently started attending a Presbyterian Church instead - the Catholic faith just has some oddities that I cannot agree with. I was surprised to discover that he holds fast to the beliefs of the Catholic Church.
He attends mass, but does not receive Communion, because he believes he is not living in a state of Grace. He believes (according to the Catholic tradition) that sex is intended for procreation only, and that since he has it for other reasons (i.e. pleasure), he is sinning. Since he has no intention of stopping this "sinful" behaviour, he will not accept the host under false pretenses.
I was amazed. I didn't think that people still believed that "Every Sperm is Sacred". Imagine how sexually deprived people would be if they had to wait to be ready to have a child (or another child) in order to have sex (again)!
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kklynch
July 31, 2007, 4:18 p.m.It's just terribly unfortunate that people feel guilt and bad about themselves for something that is hardwired biologically!
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UndergroundAttraction
July 31, 2007, 4:39 p.m.Good article/video! I think this is ONE of the biggest problems in dating. A lot of men AND women bring their emotional baggage and distorted views to relationships.
It's time for people to accept that this is the 21st century. Pretty much everyone has had at least a few sexual partners in the past. It doesn't mean that your partner would love you less just because he or she has had sex with somebody else.
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nikkibabe
July 31, 2007, 4:44 p.m.Christianity is nothing but seduction, sex and scandals hidden behind a piece of wood that is hung in their places of worship.
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kriicket
July 31, 2007, 4:52 p.m.Why shouldn't it be discouraged? Even from a non-religious stand-point..
I think a lot of the kids who are having sex are too immature. Oh sure, they may be mature enough physically, but what about emotionally? Why shouldn't we tell our teenagers there is more to sex than just the physical pleasure.
It's glamorized all over the tv screens and movie screens, but they don't tell of the heartache of losing one's virginity to someone who doesn't give a rat's rump about them...they don't tell of the frightened person who is pregnant and don't know where to turn.
Why shouldn't it be discouraged?
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AlPa
July 31, 2007, 5:09 p.m.Where do you bloggers get your information? How do you know that "most of the hooey we get about marriage " is from the "Middle Ages?"
Every single culture that ever existed has had restrictions on sex and marriage. Culture didn't suddenly pop-up during the Middle Ages.
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ToucanRoucan
July 31, 2007, 5:25 p.m.In our case the restriction goes back to Mosaic law--see Leviticus. The problem was, the property in question (the bride) was supposed to be delivered in mint condition--i.e., unused. If the item was damaged, well then, it was necessary to destroy it (by stoning) to prevent somebody else from being gyped. And there was also the question of where and when the usage was incurred--it might have been as a sex priestess at the local Ishtar temple!
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Reignman
July 31, 2007, 5:50 p.m.You know what, this is the problem with society these days.. Nobody has any morals.. Its this.. Ill do whatever I want, and whatever feels good at the moment!!! All you have to do is see the disgraceful number of children born out of wedlock, the women that are on wellfare, and more children being raised without a father in the home.. Which leads to major problems in the home once the child hits the teenage years.. Teenagers girls are having children at alarming rates, this is NOT OKAY!!! Women need to learn to have some self respect and get some morals, and US MEN need to start taking responsiblity for what we do.. But us men , we get someone pregnant we run like cowards and often times without any consequences!! Disagree with me all you want, thats fine.. But the only people that would disagree with this assement are pathetic themselves and nonthing more then trash!!!! nough said..
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amesburyroad
July 31, 2007, 5:51 p.m.As I understood the guy, he also had an issue with the fact she had had multiple partners. It was never stated how many she had.
My own take is, what she did before him is her business. But, his being uncomfortable with her past is his business, and valid, in my opinion.
Maybe she had 50 partners before him and he is aware of this. He should know the extent of her previous sexual experience. Maybe he does not find this attractive. He should not be criticized for feeling this way. She also should not lie about the number of partners she has had. Would you want to buy a used car which had the odometer rolled back so you did not know the correct mileage the car had on it?
He needs to find someone more his own speed. Chances are, in the long run, he will never be as fulfilling sexually as what she had previously. Why should he deal with a hassle like that?
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GodisWithin
July 31, 2007, 6:08 p.m.Which one of you is battery operated? None of you breathe without the breath of God - He gives you life in every moment. Your body is His Holy Temple. Everything you see, touch, taste, feel, think and speak....He is partaking of it with you. HE IS SINLESS, PURE AND HOLY.
Where does lust come from? It is a projection from satan's demons. That's why it's called a temptation. When you accept it, (which feels like it is YOUR feeling,) you literally give a demon license and permission to use your body. They are getting their jollies using your body. They are defiling you, who are God's child, His creation.....The worst part of it ..that demon is using you to defile the Lord Jesus Christ within you. That's unacceptable. Think again, folks. Don't be so arrogant. You are not autonomous. Read my book: Lust Busters: Hooked, Lying and Stinker!ww...
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GodisWithin
July 31, 2007, 6:15 p.m.Lust Busters: Hooked, Lying and Stinker!
http://www.TheMiraclesofJesusMinistry.org/lb.htm
You are trading a few fleeting moments of sexual pleasure....for not only russian roulette of sexually transmitted diseases...but for life in eternity.
In short....participate in sex outside of marriage?
You just sold your soul to satan.
If you KNEW Jesus....really took the time to get to know Him.....to experience HIS LOVE...you'd never participate in sex outside of marriage again.
Once you KNOW His Love...you never want to be separated from Him.
Humans are made of body, soul and spirit. Your body and soul is known as the fleshly carnal man. Your body is subject to its desires. Your soul is your MIND, WILL, EMOTIONS, INTELLECT, REASONING AND IMAGINATION.
The Lord calls us to overcome the flesh (body and soul,) every day. In fact....it's in every moment. We make choices every moment. God's way or ours. You use 2%-8% of your brain. God keeps 7b of us. No contest.
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Futtes
July 31, 2007, 6:50 p.m.The late Holy Father Pope John Paul II started as pope with a three year weekly discourse that was named the Theology of the Body. It's great stuff and actually meant to be quite liberating...for body, mind, and soul! Sex is held sacred in many traditions for many good reasons. I think because we are created to be sexual people, there is always the possibility of misusing this precious gift in some way...especially in our culture that says everything is good for you as long as you want or feel like doing it. I think Jesus was pretty clear though in how we are to treat others, no matter what the "sin" or "judgments" others may pass....that is in love and with dignity. Mary Magdelan as well as "the woman caught in adultery" come to mind. Poor choices have their own consequences, but I believe in a God of new beginnings. No Christian has the right to judge anyone...."let he who is without sin, cast the first stone." God Bless and Go cubbies!
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Harbeas
July 31, 2007, 6:57 p.m.Why in the world are you so worried about the past? You cannot change any of it. The ONLY thing you should be concerned about is how is she with you now. As for sex and religion...God gave man sex as a pleasurable gift. Some have accepted it, others have not.
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MeanMotherUSA
July 31, 2007, 7:07 p.m.7-31-07...
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kedirian
July 31, 2007, 7:11 p.m.If we had unlimited and uncensored sex, can you imagine how the effects of such attitudes would completely screw up our tax-codes?
On the other hand, I find it more than scandalous that MEN who supposedly abstain from sex as "a gift to jezus" (!) can tell the rest of us HOW to enjoy sex!
I'm inclined to believe that at least 50% of all mental health problems in this country are caused by Religion, especially Religions restrictions on sex...
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serious
July 31, 2007, 8:51 p.m.The problem here is too many people act on feelings instead of listening to what the Bible says and wait until one is married. If more people die to self and think of others instead of their fleshy selves this world would be a better place. I have had many cars in my years and guess what I never tested drove any... and soon I will be in the market for a truck... I won't be test driving that either. Feelings and emotions are the downfall of our society. One night stands and sex with out marriage is not worth what the pain and problems will do to ones soul. Spirits transforms during the act, having sex just because is quite foolish and selfish. Grow-up people you are adults...learn to tame the flesh not have the flesh tame you.
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KYRed
July 31, 2007, 9:11 p.m.Sex has nothing to do with religion. It has to do with the human capacity to accept being not selfish. which it doesn't
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KYRed
July 31, 2007, 9:17 p.m.Guilt will never end. Because in a lot of people's minds they know what is right and when they go against their opinion of what is right , they know they have done wrong. It is up to the individual to forgive him/herself and then move on and do better.
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jeanneofcedarmills
July 31, 2007, 10:59 p.m.The original comment and many following it that agree with it clearly demonstrate how clever human nature is in justifying the selfish and self-gratifying actions it prefers to enjoy in spite of the built-in conscience God gave us telling us when we are sinning. The flimsy and transparent excuse that you must sample a person before marrying him or her is ridiculous and terribly shallow. Marriage is only as good as the two people in it and has little to do with being an acrobat or professional in bed. The happiest marriages I know are built on love of God, family, home and consist of two unselfish people each trying to make the other happy rather than use someone to make them happy. The mutuality of the unselfish partners goes a long way to ensure the happiness of both.
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HannibalBarca
July 31, 2007, 11:52 p.m.One of the truths I was taught as a teenager is to think with the head on your shoulders, not the one in your pants. This I have passed on to my children
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