Giant 6-Year-Old Devastates Ant Community »
Posted By ind06 1 year, 8 months ago in HumorTHE ONION RADIO NEWS: With Doyle Redland reporting - Anthill scouts reported today that a mamalian destructo-beast some 10,000 ant lengths in height smashed a nearby anthill and left thousands scurrying to rebuild.
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ind061 year, 8 months ago
Thankfully the anthill was covered by the new six-year-old insurance being offered by American Anthill Antsurance Company.
Is YOUR anthill secure? American Anthill offers reasonable rates and the only coverage against mamalian destructo beasts on the market today! For all your antsurance needs, choose American Anthill!
(ind06 is a paid spokesman for American Anthill Antsurance Company)
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deathray1 year, 8 months ago
Six legs good, two legs bad!
Actually, ant disasterologists are predicting a more active than usual mammalian destructo-beast season.
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rightfromwrong1 year, 8 months ago
No doubt they will be passing on the amount payed out of insurance to us. If there is one thing ants do, is rebuild.
We should have sent a mission of them down to New Orleans so that the job would get done and less graft.
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ETproductions1 year, 8 months ago
And what are all the human deniers in the ant world going to say now?
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puffin1 year, 8 months ago
Wow, that's a big boy. 10,000 ant lengths is pretty tall for a six-year old.
God save the Queen!
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ind061 year, 8 months ago
natashas, a scientific study has proved to a 99.999998% certainty that beyond the age of five there is no possible way to stop boys from destroying anthills. The .000002% were children possessing no immune system and confined to plastic bubbles. However, another study has shown that even those boys take gleeful delight in rolling themselves over anthills again and again.
Your son should be able to play at will since only anthills not covered by American Anthill Antsurance will be in true danger.
Is YOUR anthill in danger? Is YOUR queen in peril? Banish fear of mamalian destructo beasts with American Anthill! Don't wait for the giant foot to come down on the ones YOU love!
P.S.: As far as ind06knowsitall.com is concerned, any toy that comes with poisonous webs is not only perfect for boys, but sounds pretty cool as well!
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itsme21 year, 8 months ago
What about thier bikes or playing with thier dogs.. Is no where safe???? Kids these days are turning into monsters!
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greenmac1 year, 8 months ago
Were his parents consulted before this attack...or did he act alone, on this vicious preempted action. Where was the intelligence reports...who said the ants were preparing to invade his homeland...There are a lot of unanswered questions here! He should be held accountable for his actions....now will there be retaliation...when the family is unprepared. Home/land security must be on their toes now. Will the ants be the only ones that will pay for this action..or...will any insect be the target by homeland security . Time will tell...there are many species of ants...but in the long run ...they are ants...they will stick together.
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2sidestoeverything1 year, 8 months ago
LOL! we have got to teach these destructive kids to play on the sidewalk.
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jenbirdlover1 year, 8 months ago
Of course now we will have to pay for therapy for the poor little Ants. I wander if there is a DSM3 code for " post tramatic trampling syndrome"? Hmm then we will have to see about some psych meds for them too. Take a half a particle of valium and call me in the morning!!! OMG
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