Empathizing With a Wife Beater? »
Posted By dan-and-jennifer 1 year, 7 months ago in StyleIs domestic violence ever justified? Do you think that you could ever relate to hitting someone with a frying pan?
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dan-and-jennifer
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humemacdonald1 year, 7 months ago
You are right never is it a justifiable act. I honestly felt sort of sick reading this article- sorry Dan and Jen but I can't agree with the authors points at all. People are not always justified in feeling a fight or flight reaction. The brain sometimes interprets a situation in a way that is not accurate due in part to earlier conditioning- think panic attacks here. The person who reacts with physical violence needs help, and not just an empathetic spouse.I can tell you first hand that attacks are often not provoked by the other person- as of last night I have a restraining order against my ex-husband. Believe me, an empathetic spouse was the last thing he needed .
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beyondsunny51 year, 7 months ago
same here.there will never ever be a chance for it to be justified...
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Shankari25Comment removed: User banned.1 Reply
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tchef1 year, 7 months ago
If it was a one time occurrence that would be one thing, but if you find yourself in this situation time and time again, it's time to leave. If your wife is making you feel like the only choice you have is to react with violence I would say that's a pretty clear sign that the relationship isn't going to work out.
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sumptuousdigs1 year, 7 months ago
"I think about it all the time, but never would I do it".
=o ? !! Never say never... Do you think yourself out of it? Or talk it out? Chop wood? If no action is taken, the wrong action may jump to the conclusion because the stage has been preset. Just a thought, I couldn't possibly know your circumstances.
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sumptuousdigs1 year, 7 months ago
Harbeas. ... You know my guts say yeah, but my mind and the law say: only to prevent bodily injury or death. It really does take a pause to think. I can't unload on someone that I can get away from or can't really hurt me, a loved one, or any other noncombatant. The onus is on me to avoid the fight. That done, the agressor will have to deal with the fallout.
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canadianrancher571 year, 7 months ago
I did not read the artical but after spending the first 16 years or so of my life fighting with people I finally got clued in on the hurt I was causing people. I would still resort to fighting today but only if truely threatened, but as for beating your wife that ranks right up there with things like rape or beating kids there is no place in society for this type of behavior, well not in my world any how.
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Bacalao1 year, 7 months ago
that is next to the women who hit men knowing full well that they could never return the favour.
BTW, I almost got 2 years for hitting my now ex in the fist with my face. she got a slap on the hand.
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AmericanIdiot1 year, 7 months ago
Sometimes violence is very effective help for achieving desired results. Against women, it is not very effective, they are often false, spiteful creatures. They will get their revenge, even if it takes years. Generally, a beating that requires more than one application will only increase resentment. In that case it is better to kill or imprison the offender. If the goal is to influence behavior, the only guaranteed way to do that is to convince the other that what you want is really what they want. That falls more under the category of brainwashing. Women are tricky creatures. If anyone finds a truly efficient way of controlling their rampant tongues, please share it with suffering humanity. You will be saving lives.
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Candida1 year, 7 months ago
Why would you want to control anyone? It's not worth having a slave, not even if she thinks that she is free. The only thing worth getting in a relationship is what's freely given.
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koranagirl1 year, 7 months ago
Sounds like you're in the market for a new wife. Get divorced first and then try match dot com or eharmony or whatever.
Your bitterness is amazing.
Perhaps it's not "all women" that are wrong, perhaps it's you and the fact you are matched up with the wrong person.
However, this brings up another topic. If you're continuing to attract "false spiteful creatures", this may be a scenario you are creating yourself. Do you look for women that are involved in charity work, doing good, cheerful, kind, loving, or does the person you're dating have a reputation for being a hardass, mean, nasty cruel.
I mean, we all know the pretty girl that dates the "bad boy" type, but you appear to be the opposite--a guy that dates the "bad girl" type. Interesting.
Before you accuse others, you might want to look at yourself in the mirror.
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DonnieJack1 year, 7 months ago
One more question that I consider to be important. I know someone who DAILY posts extremely racist articles on his own personal stupid blog which is published online in a small town. If I report the website here, can I get in trouble? I don't need any lawyers after me, but I'm a civil rights advocate and I think highly nasty remarks about blacks are disgusting. I'm white, but I detest racism! He even has a picture of Oprah on his site, making fun of her. Oprah is a wonderful woman who is kind to people of ALL races.
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koranagirl1 year, 7 months ago
Uh, you know I sympathize with your problem ***completely***. No civilized person wants to hear that stuff, but the reality is, we do have freedom of speech.
My advice is not to look at his website and don't give any energy to this negativity.
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CaptainLucid1 year, 7 months ago
Hey Donnie, I would not be too worried about legal justice as opposed to personal attacks. Most people who would post racist stuff are probably halfway employed and have nothing better to do than launch brute force attacks. Don't try to engage him in a war because you don't want to go as low as him. I would say make up a new account somewhere but not here because he would be able to connect it to you easily. Sign up on Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson and pimp his site under your ghost name. Sometimes you just got to fight like a neocon.
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DonnieJack1 year, 7 months ago
There's more: This lowlife I'm referring to (the racist) is also a homophobe, doesn't like Hispanics either, but will be the first to tell you he's "religious". He does not get paid for his stupid blogs and many people are against them; I'd like to know if he can be stopped from publishing such hatred EVERY SINGLE DAY.
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Jaydee401 year, 7 months ago
He has the right to be as big an idiot as he wants to be, would you want to live in a land any other way?
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DonnieJack1 year, 7 months ago
Whoops - one more important thing: He thinks a little slap now and then between husbands and wives are perfectly acceptable.
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macabresg1 year, 7 months ago
No! Never should it be justified! Marital rape should also not be justified!
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RedstateLib1 year, 7 months ago
I can understand the fleeting desire to throw whatever is at hand at a mate on occassion. I cannot understand or condone actually doing it. You cannot spend that much time with another person and go through years of lifes emotional ups and downs without ever having a desire to strike out at them on occassion. However a fleeting impulse is different that actually committing the act. It's the same as biting your tongue when you are about to say something you shouldn't. Mature well adjusted people have impulses, they are just able to control which impulses they act on.
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koranagirl1 year, 7 months ago
I think this article only emphasizes that wonderful thing divorce. As painful and horrid as a divorce is, physical cruelty is worse.
Mental cruelty is not an excuse to engage in physical violence. Either go to counseling or get a divorce. The reality is that any violence **is** a crime, and eventually the perpretator gets caught. It is not an excuse that someone said something mean first. And if both spouses engage in physical violence (not self defense) both can be charged with battery.
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PaganGodess1 year, 7 months ago
I have lived with men and in all my years, in rage or not, I have never been able to motivate myself to hit another person no matter how much of an azzhole they have been to me first and believe me some of them RICHLY deserved to have the carp beat out of them. Yeah, sure, I've thought about it, I've had the impulse but I can not and have not been able to carry out that impulse! I guess I am able to think before I do something utterly stupid!
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tryingtofindmyway1 year, 7 months ago
The legal system can take it up the tail-pipe...if any living being, and I don't care if its a male, female, dog, cat, or plant violently goes after my goods...they'd better be prepared to eat a knuckle sandwich. The laws on domestic violence are absolutely foolish and biased. Women are very capable of inflicting real serioues physical harm, and men should have every right to defend themselves. I'm not taking the time to call 9-11 when I'm under attack. I'll call after I've taken the necessary measures to preserve life, health, and well-being.
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bart76bythebook1 year, 7 months ago
It's between a husband and a wife. Another woman should not get in the middle. Another man if he knows about it should talk to the man on the side. If he doesn't agree to change then you bring 2-3 others who know about it. And if he still doesn't agree to change then you have nothing to do with him and throw him out. I think a wife can leave her husband but should not divorce him. If he comes for her she should go with him. A woman should not try to correct her husband with her words but by her behavior when they see the purity/chaste and reverence/respect of her life. Divorce covers you in violence God hates it and so should we. It's better for a guy to walk away or sleep on the roof if he's living with a contentious woman. You make your bed you lay in it marriage means something it is not what the government has joined together its what God has joined together let no man seperate. The Congress has no business making laws respecting an establishment of religion
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river-rat1 year, 7 months ago
I definitely can understand Jim's reaction. I'm not saying it is right or even okay but I have reacted in this way myself. My ex husband was very abusive and one time when he was beating me I grabbed a gun and in that instant I would have shot him if I could have gotten the safety off. I am not proud of that behavior but when someone is choking you and breaking your bones you will do anything you can to survive. Thankfully I am no longer in that situation but people who say why don't they just leave have not been in these situations. It is not so easy to just leave. You have to get away and find a safe place where your abuser can not get to you you can actually leave. Instead of judging why not try to help by offering a safe place or giving information on how to find one,
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ADAGUY1 year, 7 months ago
You know, I have never met a divorced woman in my life who did not claim to be a victim of abuse. That is pretty hard to believe. If this is true, this means that 1/2 the married women out there are abused. But I have never heard any woman say, "The divorce was my fault. I screwed up!"
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HannibalBarca1 year, 7 months ago
How very true many a fight ends up with the children used as pawns which is the saddest part
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sheryllyon1 year, 7 months ago
No one ever deserves to get hit. Ever. Men who batter are not doing it to punish the woman but to terrorize her so she lives in a state of fear and is more compliant and afraid to leave. Sadly, it is the only way they know of to keep a woman around. Women never, ever deserve to experience pain at the hands of these cowards.
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kristophernorman1 year, 4 months ago
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