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Posted By ind06 1 year, 6 months ago in Humor

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THE ONION RADIO NEWS : With Doyle Redland reporting - According to a study by the University of Colorado Sociology Department, approximately 95% of self-abuse cases go unreported.

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ind061 year, 6 months ago

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This might be the only case where reporting the abuse gets you arrested.

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  Beau78901 year, 6 months ago
  
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  And yet 5% do get reported!
  
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    ind061 year, 5 months ago
    
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    Actually, that 5% is basically all by me. My mom is getting really tired of it too...
    
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      Beau78901 year, 5 months ago
      
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      She might not mind as much if you did your own laundry...
      
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  mark-stevens1 year, 5 months ago
  
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  WHAT?? has this got to do with Seattle losing the Sonics??
  
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2sidestoeverything1 year, 6 months ago

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How do I know that someone I am close to is a self abuser, what are the signs. :~)

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  ind061 year, 6 months ago
  
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  Constantly making excuses for "me time"
  Callouses
  Hiding extra D batteries around the house
  
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  Natureboy1 year, 5 months ago
  
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  left arm atrophy, right hand that could crush a volkswagon; i.e., the "fiddler crab" syndrome.
  
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  ZippySpincycle1 year, 5 months ago
  
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  Having a pulse...
  
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  HannibalBarca1 year, 5 months ago
  
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  Lots of black outs and fainting
  
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chuck-the-canuck1 year, 6 months ago

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Self pollution is the devil's phone booth.

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  uncle-dave1 year, 6 months ago
  
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  I'd like to make a collect call please.
  
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    ind061 year, 6 months ago
    
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    To the EPA?
    
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      uncle-dave1 year, 6 months ago
      
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      Dr. Phil.
      
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        ind061 year, 5 months ago
        
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        She really whipped you into shape!
        
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        Radiofreeeuropa1 year, 5 months ago
        
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        But it's hard to understand her through the zipper of the leather mask.
        
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        icono11 year, 5 months ago
        
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        True RFE but what they lack in vocal clarity they make up for with those long stilletoes and a riding whip applied to the right place(s) at the right time(s);)
        
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        icono11 year, 5 months ago
        
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        Oh yes!!! An oversight on my part.
        One of my favorites!
        A device of pure pleasure in the right hands.
        
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        foksipayne1 year, 5 months ago
        
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        BB Yes, you just needed someone to knock some sense into you!
        
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uncle-dave1 year, 6 months ago

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I think that a hands off policy to self abuse is the best way to go.

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  ind061 year, 6 months ago
  
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  Don't grasp don't tell.
  
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  mcgrievysr1 year, 6 months ago
  
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  Uncle Dave-----"I think that a hands off policy to self abuse is the best way to go"
  Now Dave, I'm gonna have to disagree with you there. :-)
  
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chevydog1 year, 6 months ago

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One abuses oneself because it feels so good when it's stopped.

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mcgrievysr1 year, 6 months ago

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"Not just limited to teenaged boys and truck drivers"---Shocking!

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Idamilli1 year, 5 months ago

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Shouldn't be called "self-abuse". It's "self-gratification" and NOT sinful. Damn, these hairy palms are hard to type with :)

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