"Do You Do the Drop In?" Friendship, Spontaneity, Over-Scheduling--Incompatible? »
Posted By lenseview 10 months, 2 weeks ago in Family
Interesting, smart, entertaining personal piece on friends & neighbors, balancing need (or pressure) to schedule things against the value of living more in the moment. Really nice piece that takes in elements of parenting, busy-ness of life and friendship. Oh yea, and what does it mean when friends don't want you to just "stop by"...an interesting starting-off point.
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lenseview
My favorite food is ice cream. I enjoy almonds and coffee and olives (normally not together). I continue to be a recovering TV person, with ...
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Spadecaller10 months, 2 weeks ago
The key word for me is "balance." We usually will welcome my friends regardless of protocol.
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However, out of respect for others, I think it is at least best to make a quick phone call first. -
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lenseview10 months, 2 weeks ago
If somebody drops in to my house unannounced & uninvited I immediately tell him/her, that's it, you've violated my space and futhermore, to repair the friendship, you're going to have to take this pile of laundry sitting in the middle of the livingroom floor to your house and do it there for me.
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Seriously, it is kind of a fine line, I think. You want to be spontaneous, mellow....on the other hand, there's something to be said for knowing in advance who's coming by, etc. Maybe you can tell certain people in advance it's OK for you (& you only) to come by any time...of course that advance "telling" takes away some of the spontaneity. How bout you say, no problem, you can come any time...as long as it's between 5 and 5:15 p.m on the 3rd friday of each month..... -
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lenseview10 months, 2 weeks ago
Agree with Spadecaller, it really is a balance and sometimes, maybe most of the time, it's not always a fixed thing. There are times when you're more flexible and other times when, for any number of reasons, you're not or can't be. I have found friends sometimes overly sensitive to being told it's not always OK to stop by any time or to have no limits. Everybody has different needs for privacy, sticking to a plan-schedule, and spontaneity. IMO, part of friendship -- and being an adult -- is accepting that in yourself & in others....
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lenseview10 months, 2 weeks ago
Didn't mean to trigger this comment box. Argh. I'm violating my own space & probably others'. So...I agree entirely with my last comment.
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lenseview10 months, 2 weeks ago
Not so good. Uh, hey, wow, happened to be walking in the neighborhood (well, only 4000+ miles from your particular neighborhood, but still...) and thought I'd stop by....
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Hope he wasn't planning on staying long! Can't exactly say, gee, now's not a great time.... On the other hand, could imagine saying: Wow, now's not a great time--actually never's a great time. Whaddya say you come back...never.
Hope it went OK.
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elygirl110 months, 2 weeks ago
You're either happy to see your friends or...they shouldn't be your friends. A good friend won't drop in too often or will know your schedule well enough to know when it's likely to be an OK time. But if you do drop in, you have to be careful to not become the thing that wouldn't leave. Like recognize the cues when someone wants to get back to their own time.
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Charlson10 months, 2 weeks ago
My friends all know to call and warn me before visiting, so I can hide the dead body and get rid of the evidence.
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lenseview10 months, 2 weeks ago
What's the word...boundaries. Everybody has to set them. It's just that some friends or acquaintances don't respect them so, then, you've got to think about alternatives -- like fences or 10 ft high walls.
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