Comments for "Do You Do the Drop In?" Friendship, Spontaneity, Over-Scheduling--Incompatible? »
Posted By lenseview 1 year, 3 months ago in FamilyInteresting, smart, entertaining personal piece on friends & neighbors, balancing need (or pressure) to schedule things against the value of living more in the moment. Really nice piece that takes in elements of parenting, busy-ness of life and friendship. Oh yea, and what does it mean when friends don't want you to just "stop by"...an interesting starting-off point.
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lenseview1 year, 3 months ago
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If somebody drops in to my house unannounced & uninvited I immediately tell him/her, that's it, you've violated my space and futhermore, to repair the friendship, you're going to have to take this pile of laundry sitting in the middle of the livingroom floor to your house and do it there for me.
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Seriously, it is kind of a fine line, I think. You want to be spontaneous, mellow....on the other hand, there's something to be said for knowing in advance who's coming by, etc. Maybe you can tell certain people in advance it's OK for you (& you only) to come by any time...of course that advance "telling" takes away some of the spontaneity. How bout you say, no problem, you can come any time...as long as it's between 5 and 5:15 p.m on the 3rd friday of each month..... -
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lenseview1 year, 3 months ago
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Agree with Spadecaller, it really is a balance and sometimes, maybe most of the time, it's not always a fixed thing. There are times when you're more flexible and other times when, for any number of reasons, you're not or can't be. I have found friends sometimes overly sensitive to being told it's not always OK to stop by any time or to have no limits. Everybody has different needs for privacy, sticking to a plan-schedule, and spontaneity. IMO, part of friendship -- and being an adult -- is accepting that in yourself & in others....
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lenseview1 year, 3 months ago
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Not so good. Uh, hey, wow, happened to be walking in the neighborhood (well, only 4000+ miles from your particular neighborhood, but still...) and thought I'd stop by....
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Hope he wasn't planning on staying long! Can't exactly say, gee, now's not a great time.... On the other hand, could imagine saying: Wow, now's not a great time--actually never's a great time. Whaddya say you come back...never.
Hope it went OK.-
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jovial1 year, 3 months ago
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Well it turned out Ok. He got a hotel room not far away. He cooked some goulash (german style) and we ate and talked. I was a little upset that he didn't bring some of the famous wine from his hometown in Germany. I especially like their burgundy wine. Spatburgender, I believe it was. In spite of the unannounced visit we were gracious. I think an unexpected visit is rude, but it happens. As long as it doesn't become a habit.
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elygirl11 year, 3 months ago
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You're either happy to see your friends or...they shouldn't be your friends. A good friend won't drop in too often or will know your schedule well enough to know when it's likely to be an OK time. But if you do drop in, you have to be careful to not become the thing that wouldn't leave. Like recognize the cues when someone wants to get back to their own time.
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