Comments for Top 10 Major Reasons that Cause Most Break-ups »
Posted By myfairlady 11 months, 3 weeks ago in FamilyWhen I started my relationship with my beloved, I considered myself to be the most fortunate man on Earth. A year passed and our relation discovered new essence of love and intimacy for each other. Not only our bodies, but our minds and souls were immersed into the ocean of love. The whole world became a wonderful place of prospering our emotions. I was least aware of the fact that harsh reality of life was waiting to encounter our love life . Now I understand that it is more difficult to maintain the efficacy of a relationship than to initiate or terminate it.
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codgerpriceComment removed: Retracted by user
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Spadecaller11 months, 3 weeks ago
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With all the generalities and categorical ideals that we may strive to emulate in maintaining loving and meaningful relationships, the biggest reason that most relationships fail has more to do with the emotional scars or baggage that we often bring into them. My experience working with people over many years has proven this point more times than I could possibly remember.
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Most failed relationships begin with partners who are unconsciously seeking a person to either repair or fill the void that they were left with from their childhood relationships with their mothers and fathers.
Many men seek women who they feel seem to be good replacements for their mothers. When they feel they may be able to get what they should have had more of growing up, they are quite elated about their new love object. Of course, no one can possible fill that frozen need nor should they, and anger soon follows disappointment.
Often men (and women) who seem to feel they are getting all the love and support they want from their partners, they grow bored and less attracted sexually to their partners. In essence, they feel that they finally got the mommy or daddy that they always needed. This is when their eyes began wandering to the prospects of other relationships.
How sad that most of these people have no idea what is driving their need to move on.
Sometimes the anger is pent-up outrage that has been buried long ago and they become abusive to their partners. The same is true of women who seek men to serve them as the fathers who had failed to nurture them. If they do not get what they think they are owed, they become vengeful and abusive.
In the beginning, the prospect of love and attention from their new man is exhilarating. "This is who I've been looking for all along." These are often the kinds of comments new lovers make -- not realizing that their partner was never perceived as the person they actually were; but more of a wishful creation made by the broken heart of a small child.
Before I was ready for a lasting and loving relationship with my wife of twenty-one years, I had to give up wanting a mother again. Giving up this is not just an intellectual challenge; it is an emotional surrender. For some of us, it requires hard work to finally admit that our childhood needs were not always met to our full satisfaction. And, despite this reality, we must be willing to move on and say goodbye.Some of us just cannot do that without extra help. -
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CaptainLucid11 months, 3 weeks ago
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They forgot the most common reason that many times the guy just wants sex and the woman wants a family. She "forgets" to take the pill while at the same time thinking that if an "accident" happens that will cement their relationship. The guy goes from having a hot young woman who has regular sexual relations with to a blimp who only complains about how little sleep she gets because she has to deal with a miniture manure factory that can't find the box like a cat can. The relationship was about 2 people both making money and having fun. Then the relationship is completely rewritten by the woman and for some reason they act surprised when the man doesn't like changing crap collectors and wiping crap of someone else's ass instead of having wild sex. I mean what kind of guy would not trade freaky sex for the chance to wipe crap off a noise machine's ass? Attention ladies, we really are this simple. Booze, sports and sex, not necesarrily in that order and you can keep a man ladies.
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gamahuche11 months, 3 weeks ago
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" I mean what kind of guy would not trade freaky sex for the chance to wipe crap off a noise machine's ass?"
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Well..
As a father who mothered his only daughter I should put my hand up here - HOWEVER she was NEVER a noise machine and her crap smelled like roses..
Tara was - and remains - a phenomenal human being who went everywhere with me, in NYC, carried on my left side in a very simple carrier. She never had a pram.
By everywhere, I mean everywhere - with the one exception of smoke-filled places, which we avoided anyway. One example - when she was 3 months old she attended a 5 day with me workshop on intuition with me at the centre where I worked. Naturally I cleared it with the teachers - this involved the female partner if the two momentarily closing her eyes and saying that it looked as of it would be fine - and there was an agreement that if it didn't work I'd withdraw.Others that she astonished at an early age included Ram Dass, and even Allen Ginsberg as a baby - though a couple of years later she was way too much for him to deal with. Oh - and kissed by the Dalai Lama, at age 5, who had been my hero since age 11.
Its true that in my primary relationship sex DID go out the window but the reasons were psycho-emotional and had nothing to do with the grunge/tedium factors which you reference.
My daughter was a head-turner from day 1, even when swaddled to invisibility from NY winters, and continues to be an extraordinary being, an Oxford scholar, published poet and caring for her mother through years of dying. Now coping with her mother's former practice and dealing with NYC lawyers and a new Czech husband and still needing to get back to Oxford to finish up..
As for the freaky sex.. Well maybe I had a few lifetimes' worth already under my belt from the 60's and 70's - the pre AIDS world which allowed things to remain MUCH simpler.. Communal visits to the clap clinic were a different kettle of fish.. -
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AmpLee11 months, 3 weeks ago
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''Booze, sports and sex, not necesarrily in that order ''
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order?
to hell with sequentiality
if you really want him, give him all three simultaneously
a shot and some golf-a hole in one while viewing a hole in one automatically transports one into some alternate blissful reality where babies crap sunshine
but yeah not to make light if that was a testimonial Captain
I've got a friend with a poked condom horror story
at some point I've heard sex between a couple becomes redundant and superfluous, so when the baby intrudes its not a big deal, as the emphasis has already shifted from physical intimacy to mental and spiritual intimacy
may be greeting card nonsense for all I know, but there it is -
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lvrofwolves11 months, 3 weeks ago
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CaptainLucid, so...what? you are putting birth control solely on the woman??? all I can say then is, no wonder you feel the way you do.
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there are many men who take pride in fatherhood, and just as many who think after many years and despite being 'aged' or their bodies changing, are still attracted to their wives and still get wild sex, maybe not like the beginning, but same goes for the men. You grow up and have responsibilities, and a marriage is a great responsibility, if all you want is wild sex,no kids, why even get married?-
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CaptainLucid11 months, 3 weeks ago
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I would never put birth control soley on the woman. What I meant was as a man take it on yourself because If she wants to trap you into a permanent relationship by having a kid she will "accidently" fail to follow the directions on the birth control. I hate movies like "Knocked Up" because after an hour or so of comedy the go PC and show the message that if you can pull the trick on him he will undergo a magical transformation and now you have a healthy relationship all because you tricked him into a baby he didn't want. As far as marriage I agree completely. Won't ever catch me getting married. I can have sex, even kids but why sign a contract to give some woman half my property with nothing in return?
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lvrofwolves11 months, 3 weeks ago
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Remember the old saying 'keep m barefoot and pregnant?' came from a man!
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and plenty of women feel the way you do, won't catch them getting married, why should they want to work, clean house, shop, cook, laundry,take care of the kids, nurse everyone when they're sick even tho they can't get sick themselves,etc, etc... and after all that, still remain sexy and want to have sex whenever mister 'works but is lazy asz the rest of the tim'. You're way of thinking goes both ways. Both men and women can be mature enough to not get 'trapped' and mature enough to make the right decisions when something like that happens. I don't believe in getting married just because of pregnancy, or staying in a marriage just for the kids, how can that be a happy life for anyone?
If there is any game playing whatsoever to 'catch' someone, you can pretty much expect it not to work out.
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GehlLady11 months, 3 weeks ago
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There's nothing wrong with your comment, as long as you aren't looking for a relationship with another person.
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What woman would want that kind of "relationship"?
She's not into sharing her life, washing your underwear, cooking on a regular basis, taking care of you when your sick, hungover, or just ****y when your team loses.
She's good in bed, just ask your buddies.
She may drink a little too much, takes a toll on her looks when she hits her late 30s, since the same is true for you, you'll have to adjust your standards down a little for the next one.
She's expensive; fake nails, hair, and boobs.
Your better off to hire a cleaning lady, find some good resturants, and date.-
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CaptainLucid11 months, 3 weeks ago
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"What woman would want that kind of "relationship"?
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Not many which is why they try to pull the bait and switch. Be wild and crazy until she gets the ring and then it is "you want to put WHAT in my mouth". Then she quits her job, plumps up, and bitches if you would rather hang with the bros than put up with her PMS bitching.
"Your better off to hire a cleaning lady, find some good resturants, and date."
So true. A cleaning lady costs less and if she stops cleaning she gets fired. If a wife stops cleaning and you divorce her you still pay for her. It really cracks me up when I see hoes on TV claiming that they are "accustomed" to that lifestyle and therefore deserve mega bucks even though they have done almost nothing but spend someone else's money. Guess what the guy was used to having the house cleaned and getting a BJ at halftime of the superbowl. Do we charge her for the cost of a hooker to give him his superbowl BJ? Hell no. But when she wants to shop on Wilshire boulevard damn right the man gets charged. Basically almost everything comes with the good and bad. If you want to be a top executive you get paid big bucks but you work incredible hours. Alimony is about women quitting the work but not the paycheck.
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ADAGUY11 months, 3 weeks ago
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I have been married three times, and in my honest opinion, the biggest cause of breakups is materialism. My first wife and I had 2 daughters. I was deep in debt for some construction equipment, and the payments ($500.00 a month)kept us broke all the time. Finally, in 1976, it got to the point that my wife was going to have to get a job. When I told her this, she took the kids and was gone within 6 weeks. Apparently her idea was that if she divorced, she could live off the child support and wouldn't have to get the job after all. Big surprise!
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That was 30 years ago, and my ex has since been sued twice, filed bankruptcy, and had at least one judgment against her in which her wages were garnished.-
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mesodude11 months, 3 weeks ago
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Thanks for bringing the issue of money up. For some reason I can't convince people who are terrified that the institution of marriage will crumble (by which I guess they mean crumble *more*) if two women get married that sitting back and deliberately allowing millions of people to lose their jobs and homes is probably not going to be too great for marriages and families either. But I guess some people can rationalize anything to fit their agenda.
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codgerpriceComment removed: Retracted by user2 Replies
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lvrofwolves11 months, 3 weeks ago
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If you're looking for someone to complete you, if you don't know the difference between love and lust, if you are looking for someone to take care of you, or someone to take care of either financially or emotionally, or because you got knocked up, or because that is what is expected of you, most likely you will find those people and give it a go, then wonder why it went sour.
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If you are both looking for someone to share life together with, if you are both willing to make your life together a priority and want to devote a lot of work to the relationship and realize there will be times you will have to make compromises together, all the hard work, the sacrifices etc...won't seem bad at all.
there's a lot of people nowhere near ready for the responsibility of marriage.-
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Ciera-Marie11 months, 3 weeks ago
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Very good advice Ivrofwolves.
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Bottom line is you have to realize you're already a complete person, and that no one can meet all your needs.
I never understood the women who once they 'found' the love of their life gave up their single friends for the guy. One of my friends never did this and in fact when, I out of habit from past friendships, started to give them space she called me on it and gave me hell. Said she needed her friends now more than ever. She was also honest about the so called honeymoon period. Once the wedding is over and you're back from the honeymoon, reality hits. You're merging two households into one. And there will be fights. I also think this could apply to a couple moving into together too.
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