If God Had Broadband... »
Posted By myfairlady 10 months ago in NewsOK, so it's hard to imagine the Supreme Being huddled behind a computer, checking emails from his flock. But let's suspend disbelief, just for a moment....
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Teech10 months ago
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God MUST already HAVE broadband......
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Just the other day my fundamentalist Christian friend was kneeling in front of the computer, his hands in front of him, presumably clasped in prayer, breathing hard and exclaiming....Oh God...Jayyyysuuuus....oh, look at that...holy Jesus Christ...oh God......Keeerrrist....oh my God !!!
Who else could he possibly have been talking to? -
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mingsciansComment removed: Hard Banned
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doctorporComment removed: Hard Banned
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notallbad10 months ago
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as usual the atheistic left is out to destroy all that is religious. Try and think of what christianity did for 2000 years. Without it, no records would have survived the dark ages. Some noteable christians: Enrico Ferme, inventor of nuclear fission.Pope John Paul II, brought about peace talks between Russian and the US and is greatly credited for having the berlin wall brought down. Isaac Newton, if you don't know who he is then you're an idiot. Johann S. Bach, one of the greatest composers of all time. Joan of Arc, a revolutionary in france who died to protect what she believed in. J.R.R. Tolkien, an excellent story writer and an acclaimed theologian during his years. Now atheists please try and keep your comments to yourself before spouting deragatory statements.
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antibrainwasher10 months ago
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Jeeeeeeeeeeeeeesus5151 explains quite correctly, god uses mental telepathy to communicate with his cousin humping believers, but of course, he knows your thoughts before you think them, because he is the almighty invisible floating Charleton Heston head in the sky. Since he knows the thoughts of tent revival snake handling closet homosexual gay bashing nascar walmart inbred subhuman baboons before they think them, why think at all, just believe anything your mega-church tells you.
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So, when you are thinking, "mi sister shor lookin' perty", god already knows via hilljack telepathy.
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emullinsComment removed: Spam
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antibrainwasher10 months ago
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God created man in his own image, hence god created the human brain, and since the maker would know the electrical impulses from the dendrite network and the acetlycholine neurotransmitter network bioelectric pattern which produces human thought, as well as the thoughts of the pretty sheep you thumpers are so fond of, he knows the thoughts before you think them, he designed the thoughts. Godallfreakingmighty new all your thoughts before you were conscieved, the union of your sister mother and cousin father. Its in the DNA, which you can think of as god's sperm.
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God designed man in his own image, and since you voted to give Caribu Barbie the button to the hydrogen bombs, god is a laughing god. Its like throwing a revolver into a baboon cage, see if one of the monkeys will shoot itself. -
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willottica10 months ago
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It's a somewhat amusing article, but the concept is stolen from "Bruce Almighty" (who gets email every time someone prays).
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Add to that bad math and certain logical problems, and its quality goes down.
First of all. The question of Cable vs. ADSL is ridiculous. The author discredits cable because where would the cable to heaven go??? Isn't that exact same problem present with ADSL over traditional phone lines? Of course it is! So Cable vs. ADSL is a tossup, and really God would do much better with a direct Satellite connection, or God could check his email from any WiFi hotspot in the World, he knows the locations to each, and is at all of them simultaneously.
Then they go into a discussion about volume of email, which makes a ridiculous assumption that every human prays 5 times per day. Well, given that it is only the most stringent faiths that require such, I think it would be much more fair (though still highly inaccurate) to average out that prayer with that of the atheists. Call it 2.5 times per day, and you have much more reasonable number.
As for Spam filters. I think it's safe to say any standardized prayers will be filtered out. His mail server would likely be set up to just give him a summary: 384 Million Our Fathers and 7.2 Billion Hail Mary's prayed today (why did He ever invent the Rosary?). Then there's the size issue. If God is getting prayers in Email format, I think it's safe to assume that he gets them plaintext. One typewritten page is probably a bit on the long side for your average prayer, and even that is only 2kb.
Finally, an omniscient God would have no need for security, since he would be able to see anyone attempting to mess with his account and could easily take measures to stop them. (Change a password, randomize the encryption, cause a sudden power failure to the hacker's building/computer.)
If I were grading this as a paper - it would get some points for creativity (though the idea seems based on Bruce Almighty, the follow-through is much different). However, it would lose marks for logical inconsistency (the same limitations of cable apply to traditional phone lines). It would also lose marks for unsupported (and consistently inflated) numbers being used for calculations. -
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