Why Won't My Boyfriend Marry Me? | Lifescript.com »
Posted By Shools23 9 months, 3 weeks ago in FamilyI've been with my boyfriend for six years and we live together. He has no plans to marry me. I don’t think he ever will. He just keeps saying we have some issues we need to get past first. I feel like he is waiting for perfect, and perfect will never happen. Should I leave now or just keep waiting for never?
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DrCarlHindy9 months, 3 weeks ago
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Why won't my boyfriend marry me? This question brings at least a few couples each year into my psychological counseling practice. What I've found is that it's too simplistic too simply label it "fear of commitment." In fact, I'd say for many of these men commitment is taken VERY seriously, indeed so seriously that there are fears around it ... "the forever part," "what if I fail," "I'm not afraid of marriage, I'm afraid of divorce," "I didn't see a happy marriage growing up," "everywhere I go I see divorce," are common statements. So often these people whom we glibly state "fear commitment" are the ones that take commitment seriously. They're not the guys who will run off to Las Vegas and get married on a whim (those are guys that don't fear commitment because they DON'T take it seriously!)
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I once was quoted by a newspaper as saying, "Half the marriages end in divorce. If half the airliners crashed, would you be in a hurry to get on one?" But the fact is that most people do want to marry, do marry, and want to marry again even after a bitter divorce. The rewards obviously outweigh the risks, and even when a marriage fails, it doesn't make meaningless all that was shared in those years together.
So my point: It all deserve careful individual consideration, and sometimes the more objective input of outsides, friends and family as well as psychologists, is very valuable.
Carl Hindy, Ph.D.
Psychologist, Marriage and Premarital Counseling
Nashua, NH
http://www.hindyassociates.com -
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DrCarlHindy9 months, 3 weeks ago
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Why won't my boyfriend marry me? This question brings at least a few couples each year into my psychological counseling practice. What I've found is that it's too simplistic too simply label it "fear of commitment." In fact, I'd say for many of these men commitment is taken VERY seriously, indeed so seriously that there are fears around it ... "the forever part," "what if I fail," "I'm not afraid of marriage, I'm afraid of divorce," "I didn't see a happy marriage growing up," "everywhere I go I see divorce," are common statements. So often these people whom we glibly state "fear commitment" are the ones that take commitment seriously. They're not the guys who will run off to Las Vegas and get married on a whim (those are guys that don't fear commitment because they DON'T take it seriously!)
Reply
I once was quoted by a newspaper as saying, "Half the marriages end in divorce. If half the airliners crashed, would you be in a hurry to get on one?" But the fact is that most people do want to marry, do marry, and want to marry again even after a bitter divorce. The rewards obviously outweigh the risks, and even when a marriage fails, it doesn't make meaningless all that was shared in those years together.
So my point: It all deserve careful individual consideration, and sometimes the more objective input of outsides, friends and family as well as psychologists, is very valuable.
Carl Hindy, Ph.D.
Psychologist, Marriage and Premarital Counseling
Nashua, NH
visit my website, take my questionnaires:
http://www.hindyassociates.com
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