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You gotta understand where the Modern Christian Conservative is comin from.

We go to church to elevate our blood levels.

I got lotsa friends at my church here in Ocala ... (the most bee-u-tee-ful place in America) ... and they useta go to the Catholic church or the Presbyterian Church.

They said they got bored on accounta all the preacher did was talk bout peace, bein accountable, social justice, read passages from teh Bible ... (the new testimint) ... hold hands and sing.

What most annoyed them though was that the teachins from the BIBLE dint match up with their POLITICAL perswasions.

For instance - Cletus thinks that Goerge W. Bush shouldnta stopped at Iraq. He says GW shoulda invaded Iran and North Korea too! Kick that ole Axis of Ebil in the rear end.

But the preacher at them other churches talked bout PEACE and how good peace is.

I suppose you can guess what them preachers thought bout Torturein them enemy combatants.

That just dont do it for PATRIOTIC Americans liek us Christian Cosnervatives. We liek war. And the torture thing was just liek addin sprinkles to our whippy cream on our pancakes. It just gets our blood to pumpin!

Poeple need that kinda stuff to know we are alive.

We believe in PASSIUN. The passiun that is equal to our massive self loathin at bein the cause of Jesus bein naild to the Cross.

See, it was our sins that put Jesus on that cross.

Our preacher tells us at every opportunity taht we are no good sinners who are goin strait to hell.

As such ... why would we want to watch ... say Bill Moyers with his dispassionate observations and calculations?

Dont make no ding dang sense!

We want Sea Shanty Hannity tellin us the world is comin to an end!

THATS what we want to hear!!

I says ... AMEN HANITY!!

What you libbies always dint get bout us Christian Conservatives is this ... we have no fear for the End Times.

We LIEKED GW PRECISELY cause we anticipated he was goin to screw the pooch.

And he came pretty darn close.

Now we got HUSSEEN Obama ... and hes tryin to FIX everythin.

See ... no more opportunity for cataclysm. WE HATE THAT!

Well ... I gotta go ... Im makin some signs for our Sunday march tomorrow. Right after we watch FOX in the mornin ... we are hopin to get wipped (whipped?) up into a lather and then we are gointa march down Main Street protesten Obama.

My sign says "We dont want no Moslim runnin th White House".

My wifs sign says "Bring Back TORTURE ... Bring Back Bush".

My sones says ... "I dont know these poeple".

I asked him what hes tryin to say with that but I couldnt understand what he said.

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