DECLARATIONS OF CONJUGAL INTEREST FROM THE MASSACHUSETTS FEDERALIST, 1733. »

Posted By Beau7890 6 months ago in Humor

"Any Bathsheba's Out There?" − SWM

Wherefore art ye slovenly damsels? Mine temperature is pres'ntly mild, but perchance some licentious dansings might escalate it to fever! Abscond ye to the yard abafft the schoolhouse on the seconde day of the waxing gibbus, just as the eve's funerals dismiss. Ware yore hair as a large bush, and don a frocke with greatly immoderate sleeves and white worsted stockings and tantalysing muffs. Find me a'sweat and taunt me as a stubberne horse. Wring me by mine ear! And then we shall rigadoon till our foots prune in thare own bloode.

Read Full Story at mcsweeneys.net »

311 Views Share Story 7 Comments Report

Submitted By:
Beau7890

A chicken walks into a bar holding a violin case. He’s wearing a chrysanthemum in his lapel. He sits down at the mahogany bar ...

Who Also Submitted: All »
Other Related Articles: All »

RSS Join the Discussion

+ Add Comment
Comments So Far: 7 (view all)
- Display
  • 100%
    uncle-dave6 months ago

    This comment is below the standard viewing threshold View It »

    "Hungry For Woman" ? SWM

    “I am needing a bigge woman that takes goode joy in householde duties. Book lairnin ot not be of necessitee, but shee should know how to cooke these meales: boilt pork, psalted flummery, candeed orange peel, ches nutts with smok befe, cornpone, low-carb cornpone, milk pottage, and pickl't rabbitface.”

    What a rube! Salted flummery!!! Nuthin’ but sweetened flummery for me!

    Now that pickl’t rabbitface sounds pretty darn good.

    (comment_max_expanded_depth : 2) (comment depth : 2) (recursion depth : 1) (max_comment_reply_depth : 40) (comment_max_render_depth : 3)
    Reply

    2 Replies

    loading loading ...
  • 100%
    Goppy6 months ago

    This comment is below the standard viewing threshold View It »

    Now THAT .... is funny.

    :-)

    (comment_max_expanded_depth : 2) (comment depth : 2) (recursion depth : 1) (max_comment_reply_depth : 40) (comment_max_render_depth : 3)
    Reply
    loading loading ...
    • 100%
      deathray6 months ago

      This comment is below the standard viewing threshold View It »

      "salty dog seeks sweet, scurvy free primrose"

      (comment_max_expanded_depth : 2) (comment depth : 2) (recursion depth : 1) (max_comment_reply_depth : 40) (comment_max_render_depth : 3)
      Reply
      loading loading ...
      • 100%
        quicksilver06026 months ago

        This comment is below the standard viewing threshold View It »

        Ick, Beau -

        I have to wash my hair that night ;P

        (comment_max_expanded_depth : 2) (comment depth : 2) (recursion depth : 1) (max_comment_reply_depth : 40) (comment_max_render_depth : 3)
        Reply

        1 Reply

        loading loading ...
      View All 7 Comments

      Add a Comment

      Sign In With Your Propeller Account

      Forgot your password?

      Please keep your comments relevant to this story.

      To create a live link, simply type the URL (including http://) or email address and we will make it a live link for you. You can put up to 3 URLs in your comments. Line breaks and paragraphs are automatically converted — no need to use <p> or <br /> tags.